Why we date

As human beings we have what can be considered some of the strangest mating rituals in the animal kingdom. Most species hook up with members of the opposite sex to procreate and nothing else. There is no emotional bond that ties them together for the rest of their lives other than the need to continue the species. Now that's not to say that all animals are like this, there are some species out there that do mate for life, but the overall percentage of those types are small. Sure, you can say that many animals have mating rituals that rival ours. There are male birds that flaunt their colorful plumage trying to attract a female, but is that really dating or just a type of seduction? And in the end isn't that what going on dates is all about, seducing that someone we've had our eye on. Dating is a form of seduction, only for us humans it can sometimes take a much longer time for the desired results to be had. In the animal world there is a specific time of the year when seduction and mating can take place, and with the exception of humans, dolphins and some primates, animals mate to continue their species and not for the pure pleasure of it. For most animals it is the drive to survive as a species. We humans have taken the whole dating/seduction ritual to unforseen heights. Just think of all the things we do to try and impress that special someone. And why do we want to impress them? Because we think we like them and if we don't do our best to seduce them using all sorts of dating tricks and techniques then someone else will and that's just not acceptable. So why do we date? To impress someone we are interested in? I would say yes on that one. I can't think of any other reason to spend that kind of time and money other then to do just that. To continue the human species? This is a far more subjective question. Do we really need more humans on the world? That's debatable. I think for the majority of humans it's for a little more selfish reasons and that's to have somone come after us who carries the family name onward into the future. Just for the fun of it? Now here's whole another way to look at it. Meeting new people is fun. Particularly if you are attracted to them. Dating is fun and it introduces us to whole new ways of thinking and approaching people. The why do we date question is a hard one to answer, but whatever your reasons may be it's a part of what makes us human.

Never get married because you re in love

I’ll repeat that. Never get married because you’re in love. Sounds crazy? It’s not. Let me tell you why. Ever been to a single’s bar? Mosey on over to the one nearest you and watch what happens. When a man approaches a woman in a singles’ bar – or a woman approaches a man – they each know exactly one thing about the other: how they look. She’s attracted to him, he’s attracted to her. And that physical chemistry forms the basis of whatever relationship may or may not develop. Now, they may think they’re in love. But in fact, they are simply infatuated with each other. Here’s one to remember: Chemistry ignites the fire, but character keeps it burning. Chemistry – physical attraction – is not something to be ignored. But a deeply loving relationship based on mutual respect cannot stand on chemistry alone. That can only happen with someone whose character you can value and appreciate. The best way (actually, the only way) to have a lasting relationship is to really look at the quality of the person you’re dating. That means being on the lookout for specific character traits, both positive and negative. The top four qualities to look for are humility, kindness, responsibility and happiness. Humility. What is humility? Well, it is not being a doormat. Letting people walk all over you is not necessarily a sign of humility. It’s a sign of weakness. Humble people are not weak. Humble people want to do the right thing rather than their thing, and that takes a lot of confidence and inner strength. Someone who is humble will put values above convenience. They can accept criticism without being defensive, because they’re committed to personal growth rather than to comfort. A humble person will not get angry easily, because they don’t feel that anybody owes them anything. That’s the reason they also tend not to be materialistic. Now, you may think that the above description applies only to angels. And it would be a mistake to narrow your search down to someone who has mastered all of the above qualities that go along with humility. Nobody’s perfect. But you should look for someone who values humility and is striving to achieve it. At the very least, ask yourself if the person you’re dating is arrogant. You definitely do not want to marry an arrogant person who feels that people owe him or her the world. Kindness. Kindness is more than just being a nice person. If you ask most engaged couples if their intended spouse is kind, they’ll probably say yes. But the divorce rate is over 50%. If everybody is so kind, then why is the divorce rate so high? Because although people think that they’re kind, they really lack a depth of kindness. So, what’s kindness? Being a kind person means being a giver, someone who’s committed to giving pleasure and minimizing other people's pain. If two people like this get married, they are much less likely to suffer serious problems in their relationship. That’s because each one is dedicated to the other’s well-being. How do you know if someone is truly a kind person? Look at how they treat the other people in their lives. How do they treat their parents, siblings and grandparents? Do they feel a sense of gratitude to their parents? If not, what makes you think they’ll feel any sort of gratitude towards you after you’re married? Watch how they treat the "little people" towards whom they have no obligations – waiters, busboys, doormen, secretaries. How do they treat their employees? What’s their business reputation like? Are they ruthless? Does the person you’re dating do volunteer work? If not, do they give charity? If the answer to both questions is no, that isn't a good sign. Do they drive courteously? What happens when they drink, when they lose control a little bit? How do they act? Take note of the answers to these questions. Write them down so that you’ll have a whole picture in front of you when you need to make a decision about whether or not to continue a relationship. Responsibility. First thing, ask yourself: Is this person irresponsible? If the answer is yes, be careful. You do not want to marry an irresponsible person. If your first, off the cuff answer is no, then check them out. Do they have a stable work history? Do they have stable friendships? Do they have long-term friendships, or do they need to move around a lot? Ask yourself: Can you rely on this person? Do you feel safe and secure with them? Another good question is to ask yourself is if you can trust what the other person says. Do they stand behind what they say? Do they live up to their commitments? Happiness. You might be stumped on that one. Since when is happiness a character trait? That all depends on how you define happiness. A happy person is someone who is basically content, who focuses on what they have, not on what they don’t have. Life has no guarantees. Anyone can be dealt a hard blow. But a person who is internally happy will be able to get past life’s obstacles, whereas someone who is constantly focused on the negative will have a much harder time. And you want to be married to someone who can smile at life. So remember: Never get married just because you’re in love - focus on character, not on chemistry. Look for a quality person to share your life with, someone humble, kind, responsible and happy. You deserve no less!